Monday, 21 December 2009

A Christmas Poem . . .

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the workplace
Not a creature was stirring, the doors were locked just incase.
The stockings were hung by the radiators with care,
In hopes that Andrew would try them on as a dare.

The workers were drunk, soon to stagger to their beds,
As visions of rude things danced in their heads,
While Mother in her ‘kerchief, and Father in his cap,
Had just settled their brains for a long winter’s nap.

When out in the car park there arose such a clatter,
The cleaner sprang from her Hoover to see what was the matter.
Away to the window she flew like a flash,
Tore open the blinds and slipped back the cash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to her wondering eyes should appear,
But Andrew in stockings, a sight with such fear!

He was a little old plonker, completely drunk on stout
And it was obvious he was the boss of Cybercheckout
With an unsteady tread, up the stairs he came,
And he whistled, and shouted each of his staff by name!

"Now Lisa! Now, Rob! Now, Dawn and Marie!
Oh, Keiron! Oh, Marsha! Oh Sarah and Wendy!”
To the top of the stairs! to the top of the wall!
With a drink in his hand he thought he could climb them all.

He was dressed all in satin, from his head to his knees,
And his clothes were all tarnished with jaffa cakes and cheese.
A bundle of presents he had flung on his back,
’Cos he was late for Secret Santa and lucky not to get the sack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the grey in his hair was as white as the snow.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And turned on his computer without even a jerk.
He opened an email and began to type,
A drunken little message that was to go with the hype.

He typed with a need of someone quite festive,
Using phrases that sounded rather suggestive.
He’d send it to staff, he’d send it to all,
Secretly having his own festive ball.

The message he wrote was intended to say
Merry Christmas to all, have a wonderful day.
But what he put never sounded the same,
It’s too rude to mention, it puts him to shame.

He finished his drink and stumbled away,
To the other little office where all our stock lay.
Fishing out the horserug Lisa intended to keep,
He curled up beneath and fell swiftly to sleep.

He missed Christmas lunch, being locked away,
The cleaner stole the keys and laughed all through the day.
The staff and customers had such a festive time,
While poor little Andrew lay shocked up 'til nine.

The moral of the poem, don’t leave things till late,
Or you’ll get stuck in the office and miss the big date.
From everyone at Gridstop, we all shout and cheer
A Merry Christmas to all, and a happy New Year.

D. Ilott
Gridstop Ltd

Friday, 18 December 2009

T'is The Season To Say Goodbye . . .

`Snow is falling,
All around me,
Children playing,
Having fun...`

It snowed last night! Thick snow! Bets on for a white Christmas...

Despite the fact that it's nearing Christmas, t'is the season to be jolly, and fa-la-la-la-laa, and all that, it's still a sad day today.

T`is the day that our dear little ol' Beci leaves us.

She's decided to go back to college and begin training to become a nurse . . . a huge career move, and who knows, two years from now you may even find yourselves being treated by her. Either that or we'll see her in an episode of `Scrubs`. With her famous blonde moments, I'm sure she'd fit in perfectly as a member of the medical cast . . .

We all wish her the best of luck in her career, and hope everything goes well for her.

No doubt we will soon be seeing Vultures circling her desk - a tradition that normally takes place after someone leaves, but a word of warning to them, beware of the jackals, ie Keiron. They normally sneak in before the vultures have time to swoop down. They did after Alison left . . . I missed out on a brand new keyboard . . .

But still, it is Christmas. Who knows what Santa may bring . . .

D. Ilott
Gridstop Ltd

Monday, 14 December 2009

There's still time . . .

The big day is just around the corner, but don't go into panic mode just yet! If you have any last minute presents to get then visit our website and have a browse. We have lots of items that will make great Christmas pressies, and there's still plenty of time to have it delivered before Christmas. This gives you time to get wrapping and relax and put your feet up, happy in the knowledge that for once you have been organised and everything is ready.

I know there are ups and downs with Internet shopping, especially as a last minute rush. This year I have done most of my shopping over the Internet. I have made use of the web and I have surfed from one site to another, comparing prices, inspiring ideas . . . and generally spending all my hard earned cash. Luckily, with all that surfing, I haven't come across any `cyber sharks,` so to speak. I know many people are dubious about them. One bite can either leave you slightly scratched, mildly wounded, or in a life threatening state, but if you get to know your sites, then you get know where the `sharks` linger and where it is safe to surf. This cyber metaphor can be used in many other contexts too.

Rest assured Cybercheckout is completely free from sharks. Imagine, if you will, a small island with blue, tranquil waters, crystal clear skies, and nothing but friendly dolphins, tortoises, and beautiful, fancy fish accompanying you while you surf . . . okay, I may be going off on a strange little tangent here, but I can assure you that you still have time to place your orders, and with our free delivery and 24 hour courier service, you'll still get it before Christmas.

So get surfing! The water's lovely. . .

D. Ilott
Gridstop Ltd

Xmas Countdown: 11 Days . . .

Pressie Idea:

Poker Table / Casino Table / 8 in 1 Games Table

D. Ilott
Gridstop ltd

Tuesday, 8 December 2009

Monday, 7 December 2009

Sweet and Sour . . .

There's no pleasing some people, I hear Drew exclaim from his corner of the office.

You can reach and stretch and bend as far backwards as you can for someone, but they're never happy. I hear you asking me what I'm talking about. Well, with five minutes left of my working day, I suddenly remember I have a blog to write, and what should happen to prompt me? Someone complained.

Now, I put this question to you. If you're on a healthy diet, what would you prefer in your tea, sugar or sweetener? Sugar, on one hand, is fattening and too much is bad for you. Sweetener, on the other, is supposed to be the substitute for sugar, but with all the chemicals in the ingredients is this any better?

I think not. But Marsh . . .

With all the sweeteners used up and finished in our kitchen, our poor Drew was sent on a mission to the shop to pick some up. He carefully selected what he thought to be the best brand off the shelf, a brand that he thought would keep his staff happy and the quality of work to its normal high standard, paid for it, brought it back, and what did he get in reply?

"I don't like that brand! Go get some more!"

Oh, what Drew has to go through to keep his staff sweet. And while he's on his shopping mission I might get him to buy us some chocolate fudge cake!!!

It's all to keep us happy, and happy staff provide a happy service . . .

D. Ilott
Gridstop Ltd

Friday, 4 December 2009

Xmas Countdown: 21 Days . . .

Pressie Ideas

Horseware Newmarket socks

D. Ilott
Gridstop Ltd

And Now For Something Completely Different . . .

As I sit here and wait for this dreaded `seasonal bug that has no seasonal joy` to depart, I can't help but feel myself struggling for inspiration about what to blog about. My humour escapes me . . . so I thought I'd steal someone else's, and found it fitting for a product that we have sitting in our office and waiting to grace our website.

Rabbit hutches.

So, the question I put to you is: Why buy a Rabbit Hutch? (Have you guessed whose humour I'm going to steal?)

(Quote: Follow. But. Follow only if ye be men of valour, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived. Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.

Am I making my point clear yet?

Tim: There he is!
King Arthur: Where?
Tim: There!
King Arthur: What? Behind the rabbit?
Tim: It *is* the rabbit!
King Arthur: You silly sod!
Tim: What?
King Arthur: You got us all worked up!
Tim: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit.
King Arthur: Ohh.
Tim: That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!
Sir Robin: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!
Tim: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!
Sir Galahad: Get stuffed!
Tim: He'll do you up a treat, mate.
Sir Galahad: Oh, yeah?
Tim: I'm warning you!
Sir Robin: What's he do? Nibble your bum?
Tim: He's got huge, sharp... er... He can leap about. Look at the bones!
King Arthur: Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!
Sir Bors: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!

And as Sir Bors went to slay the killer rabbit, his death was swift and quick, leaving the others completely stunned.

The humour is stolen from `Monty Python and the Holy Grail` (I won`t quote the part about the holy grenade of antioch) However, I bet none of the Python crew ever researched the deep psychology of their killer rabbit. Why was this rabbit so mad? Why did this rabbit feel submerged with it's deep, dark anger?


Because he didn't have a decent rabbit hutch like ours. Have a thought for your rabbit . . . watch our website for their arrival . . . and don't have nightmares.

(Quote: What an eccentric performance . . .)

D. Ilott
Gridstop Ltd

Thursday, 3 December 2009

Xmas Countdown: 22 Days! . . .

Pressie Ideas:

Horseware Baseball Cap with Light

D. Ilott
Gridstop Ltd

Seasonal Cyber Virus . . .

Wow! What a week it's been.

I apologise for the lack of blogs just recently. It's hard to get your mind round things when your body is being invaded by a horrible little seasonal bug.

Yes, it attacked me, and it got me good and proper. First it attacked my throat, my nose, my ears, then my head. Obviously it decided early on that it didn't want the rest of me. It just hovered in the top part, clouding everything and making my head feel like it wanted to explode.

It hasn't been a good week. But luckily today is the first day that it feels like this little bug is leaving. My immune system is finally getting the better of this seasonal beast. And - call me selfish - so far it seems that I haven't shared it either . . . which is good.

One thing I could have done with whilst I was curled up on my sofa at home, engrossing myself in a good film and feeling miserable about myself, was one of our electric blanket/throws. Ah, it would have been heaven to have been snuggled up under one, savouring its warmth instead of shivering, and maybe helping my defense system in battle at the same time, but no . . . I was out of luck.

There's still a chance for you though! If you find yourself coming down with this seasonal virus, you need to fight it before Christmas! When you have no energy, and all you want to do is curl up and keep warm, this blanket is the perfect aid! Kill that bug!!

However, despite the fact that I feel in good spirits today because I believe this virus is finally departing, I still feel disappointed in missing out on office birthday cakes. It was our very own Marsha's birthday last week - 21 years old (everyone's 21 these days) - but I wasn't up to eating the wonderfully delicious cakes that she brought in. And one was a Chocolate Fudge Cake!!!

Curse this bug to hell . . .

D. Ilott
Gridstop Ltd